America’s favorite bisexual, Tila Tequila, is back for another round of shots…at love. Bye-bye to good taste! By Laura Leu
Do you ever find being bisexual to be totally exhausting?
Not really. People have a misconception that just because you’re bisexual, you’re turned on by everyone everywhere you go. That’s totally not true. I think it’s more fun being bisexual, because sometimes you want to get away from guys. And then you go back to girls and you get something totally new and different. Then, after a while, that gets boring, so you go back. It’s always nice to have so many options.
What about the people who say you’re not really bisexual—that you’re hetero and just pretending for the show? Care to set the record, uh, straight?
They can suck my dick.
Talk about sexual ambiguity!
If you’re faking bisexuality, then you’d be one of those Girls Gone Wild girls. I’m not one of those fake ones. I have real emotions for people, whether they’re male or female. So whoever said that shows me that they’re really ignorant, and it makes me cringe. It’s like saying, “Hey, you’re not really Vietnamese, you’re just trying to be.” How do you answer that?
How did you get your name? I’m assuming you don’t come from a long line of Vietnamese Tequilas.
Well, my name is Tila, but I got “Tequila” when I was 13. I was hanging with a bunch of friends, we drank tequila for the first time and I puked all over the place. I was really embarrassed, and the next day at school everybody had heard about it. They were winking and laughing and started calling me Tila Tequila. The name kind of stuck with me ever since. It’s got a catchy ring to it, you know?
Good thing you were drinking tequila. Tila Jägermeister or Tila Peach Schnapps doesn’t have quite the same ring.
Yeah, exactly. Or Tila Buttery Nipple.
Wait, that one actually works. You’ve also called yourself “the baddest bitch on the block.” Have you always been so naughty?
When I was younger, I was foolish and would rob houses and stupid things like that, but I’ve paid my dues. They actually sent me away to a correctional facility for bad kids. They put us on those small, special school buses, the short ones. They put you on a point list: You start off in level one, and it’s like prison. You can’t eat the good food, you have to sit isolated, by yourself. And as you do well in class and get along with other students, then you move to level two.
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Were there any girl-on-girl prison brawls?
There was a Mexican gang and a black gang, and I was the only Asian. But I got along with everyone there, except for two people who threatened to blow my head off. But good thing I had my own people to back me up! Thank God I got out of there, because then I went back to my regular school and everyone was so scared of me.
But you’re only 4-foot-11! How could anyone be scared of someone so cute and tiny?
I think that’s where all the rage comes from. You always feel like you gotta watch your back and protect yourself. It’s the “little man syndrome.” You can be big, but when you see someone else who’s smaller than you and they’re insanely psychotic, you’re like, “Holy shit, this bitch is crazy! She’s gonna fucking kill me.”
Damn, you’re scary! But you still have a lot of friends—over 3 million, in fact, on MySpace. You must get an ass load of free-ringtone offers.
[Laughs] Yeah, I definitely get a lot of free ringtones to download. It’s really cool to be the biggest girl on the biggest social network out there today.
How can a guy get a lady’s attention on MySpace? I got a message the other day that said, “I’d like to tap you’re ass,” which is both grammatically incorrect and gross. Would that work on you?
Hell no! I don’t even go out with someone who talks to me like that in real life. If you want to get someone’s attention, have some class. Don’t be like every other sheep out there. Think of something creative, new, interesting and intelligent, or be witty at least. Make me laugh. Don’t be a caveman.
You dance on a pole in the video for your song “Stripper Friends.” How’d you perfect the pole dance?
When I was 18 and still in high school, I was a stripper for a while, because I was trying to save up money to move to Hollywood to become this bisexual Hollywood starlet that I am today. And now I have a pole at my house, because it’s a good workout, and I hate working out at the gym. You practice with your girlfriends, pump up the music and have some fun.
When you were stripping, did you ever have any awkward run-ins with high-school teachers?
I invited my history teacher, who was also the football coach, and I had a big crush on him. I told him that he needed to come visit me and that I wouldn’t tell anybody. He was very tempted, I’m sure, but he never did show up.
I guess he missed his shot at love.———————————————————————————–
There are pictures of her standing by a soccer ball